I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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