great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
dude i'm inner monologue high
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It's rum buckets o'clock
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
