It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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