Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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