dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
