i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
