I need help removing her.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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