Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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