Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
