Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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