Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
