Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
