either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
