Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
