So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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