Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
handjob tips. give me some.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I am mentally ready for anal.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
