you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
A+ Viking dick
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
