Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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