you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
