Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
