last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
