i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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