i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
