his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
