I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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