Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
