I want to make a zoo with you.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
