Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
