Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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