Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She's the barista slut.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
