I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
