my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
