found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
