Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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