We won't sleep together?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
