my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
