i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
