Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i think my mom watched the whole time
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
