The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
