so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
