I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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