he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She just used a chaser for red wine.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize