Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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