I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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