We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
