Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He kissed a someone with a penis
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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