I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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