just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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