OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
