i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
