My sheets look like a crime scene.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
My hand turned me down
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
