Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
