Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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