I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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