Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
