I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
