"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
