There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize