I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Did I show you my penis last night?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
