Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
