good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
