Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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