Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
