I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
