i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Randomize
