she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
