escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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