You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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