If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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